At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
