I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
