South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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