i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
