Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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