every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
