I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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