I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
