I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
