Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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