eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
