Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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