That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.