You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.