Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.