Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...