this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.