How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's the barista slut.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
