She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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