found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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