I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
