girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
