I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
