I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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