Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
