dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
