He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize