do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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