you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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