I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
