you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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