Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
