On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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