I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
