I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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