Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
