I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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