Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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