her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
