haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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