So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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