My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
