It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
