Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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