Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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