Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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