So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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