In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
