he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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