What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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