Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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