he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
