I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
