I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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