Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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