you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
