Nicole vs. Life
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
