she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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