i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
