so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
