You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
