I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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