My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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