Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
