I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
