Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
