i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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