please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
