I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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