...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
