9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
