college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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