At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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