You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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