Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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